I wanna work at the Butterball Hotline on Thanksgiving. I’d say yes to these Real questions ..

Here is their # if you need turkey assistance!

1-800-BUTTERBALL (1-800-288-8372)

Can I poke holes all over the turkey and pour a can of beer over it to keep it moist?

Can you thaw a frozen turkey using an electric hair dryer?

Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

The family dog bit off a big piece of the turkey. Can the rest of it be saved?

YOU”VE HEARD OF THE TURDUCKEN OR MY NEW FAVORITE THE TURBACONDUCKEN WELL I GUESS THIS WOULD BE THE TURWAWA (A few years back, Butterball really did get a call from the owner of a chihuahua that climbed inside the raw bird while the owner’s back was turned. The opening was big enough for the dog to get in, but not big enough for it to get back out. The turkey expert instructed the owner on how to enlarge the opening without injuring the dog.)

I’m a truck driver. Can I cook the turkey on the engine block of my semi while I’m driving? If I drive faster, will it cook faster?

The turkey in my freezer is 23 years old. Is it safe to eat?

Can I baste my turkey with suntan lotion?

How long does it take to thaw a fresh turkey?

How do I prepare a turkey for vegetarians?

How long does it take to cook a turkey if I leave the oven door open the whole time? That’s how my mom always did it.

Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?