With Valentine’s Day looming on the pink and red heart-shaped horizon, you guys must be feeling the pressure to come up with a heartfelt gift that will knock her socks — and maybe a few more articles of clothing — off. In your search for the perfect present, we advise you to steer clear of these gift turnoffs:
THE SUGAR COATED OR SUPER FLUFFY — Nothing says I’m too inconsiderate to give you something thoughtful than a generic box of cheap chocolates or a fuzzy stuffed animal. Do you really want to make love to us later with the eyes of that fluffy teddy bear staring at you? Unless your sweetie is under 12, save the plush pets and sugary stuff for your kid sister.
SOMETHING YOU WANT — Remember when Homer Simpson bought Marge a bowling ball for her birthday? It’s only funny in cartoons. So, don’t buy us tickets to your favorite team’s next game (unless they’re our favorites, too) or give us something you’re hoping to get use out of yourself.
ANY KIND OF POWER TOOL — Repeat after us: belt sanders are not sexy. Practical gifts are great for Christmas and birthdays, but not this holiday. We love that you notice that we need that self-cleaning litter box. We just don’t want one gift-wrapped on the most romantic day of the year.
THE EASILY MISINTERPRETED — We’re including this one just to save you from getting yelled at later. Give a lot of thought to what your present says. Unless we’ve expressed a genuine interest in it, don’t buy us anything that aims to improve us. This includes gift certificates for free makeovers (Aren’t we pretty enough for you?), trashy lingerie (Aren’t we sexy enough for you?), and cooking lessons (Oh, so now we’re not a good enough cook for you?).
THE FUSSY AND COMPLICATED — To really win her over, keep it simple. A bouquet of her favorite flowers, a bottle of wine or champagne and a nice dinner are all she really expects. Don’t get caught up in the commercial whirlwind. Valentine’s Day is just about being together and remembering why you love each other.